Leave and Cleave: Make Your Marriage a Priority
Leaving and cleaving must be the first step in marriage. As stated in Genesis 2:24, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
Very self-explanatory. First you must leave. Then you must cleave. When you get married, you go through the same steps: leaving your parents, cleaving to your new spouse, and becoming one flesh. If any of the steps in this process gets skipped or is performed halfheartedly, the lingering baggage of your old, single life will adversely affect your union as husband and wife.
When me and my husband attended marriage preparations seminar, one of the best topics discussed was “Leaving and Cleaving”. Many Filipinos do not practice this because we have this culture of being too attached and too generous when it comes to family members that we don’t mind sharing our own house with them.
What It Means to “Leave”
In terms of your parents and family of origin, separation means that you leave the dependence, comfort, and security of your parents’ authority. You are literally breaking apart the old parent-child relationship. You are also separating from your siblings and extended family.
It’s not that you are cutting ties with these dear people; instead, you are forging a new relationship with them, based on the fact that you are married and your highest-priority relationship has now become your spouse and you. You will also need to shift the priority of your friendships, separate from past romantic and opposite-sex relationships, and leave behind your single lifestyle.
What It Means to “Cleave”
Cleaving involves two key components:
Creating a Marital Identity
The lack of oneness that causes many people to suffer in marriage occurs because one or both spouses remain more devoted to self than to their marriage union.
Bonding to Your Mate
The key is to remember that your marriage is the most important relationship next to God and needs to be put in front of all else. Ask yourself, “Do I put in the effort that shows my husband is a top priority for me?” Having a great, God-honoring marriage will take hard work. Put activities into your life together that will help you to enjoy and encourage each other, as well as to foster talking, learning and growing together.
We chose to live the life as husband and wife - where I am the only queen and he is the only king of our own little kingdom. Leaving and cleaving is not only for the rich but it is for the brave couples who can promise to stick together for better or for worse.
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